Berated

I am stubborn.

Wow Hayden! What a revelation.

I know, I know. But I realized something new, I am stubborn about my laziness.

I don't know about you but sometimes I just get in a mood where I don't want to do anything... and I'm not going to budge on it. It's silly, but yes.

Most of the time I can overcome these feelings, because I have to do things. But for things that get put on the back burner.... it's another story.

For example, I just got my haircut. It's been over a year since I got a haircut. I am lucky to have curly hair which hides a lot of hair flaws, but a year! I am appalled with myself. The stylist who cut my hair was appalled too, as she cut off 4 inches of split ends.

This of course led to a berating by the stylist, about my poor hair care. It felt oddly reminiscent of so many dentist visits where I've been scolded for not flossing enough... -sigh-

I recall a specific visit to an orthodontist when I was 14, when I finally dropped the pretense. To set the stage; at age 14, I had already had braces twice, a palate expander, 7 teeth pulled (2 adult), and 3 steel caps installed. My father with chagrin called it my million dollar mouth. So after all of this I was now instructed to wear a retainer with spikes (to tame my tongue) for 2 years. 1 year in, I was over it. When the Orthodontist came in to ask about the retainer, I resolutely stated, "I'm not wearing it anymore." In all honesty I don't remember his reply, but I do remember the feeling. Power. The power to be be stubborn and say no. I never wore that retainer again.

I know it's a silly example, but being assertive has gotten me a long way in life. Which is probably why I'm still stubborn. And it's also why I just fess up to things now, stubborn but courteous honesty can open many doors. For which I think you can blame my southern upbringing.

So when my hairdresser "tsk, tsked" my hair. I simply said, "Yeah, it's been a year." I don't remember her reply either, but I do remember not feeling guilty about it.

Neighbors?

When I moved into my apartment building in May I was overjoyed by how quiet it was. For living in a old building with a lot tenants I thought this would be impossible, but often I can go a whole evening without hearing anyone. (This is quite different from dorm living)

The only thing that is strange are my neighbors... or lack thereof

I mean, I know they exist but I rarely see them. Thus my first impression of them is what I remember and how I identify them. Thus my immediate neighbors are:

Older Lady with pet birds who always wears a house coat
Angry Middle aged man with limp who has social anxiety
2 young guys who always play call of duty in their apt.
Arabic couple who are always making delicious smelling food

I don't know what I thought it would be like to live in an apartment building. But I guess I was hoping I could have at least a friendly interaction with my neighbors...

I blame sitcoms for these beliefs, such as: Friends, Three's Company, and Big Bang Theory. But as most things on television, apartment living is just not as romantic as it is presented.

My parent's at an early age instilled in me this desire to befriend those around me. Whether it was my mother who knew my coaches and their... spouses, children, family medical history before I even knew their name. Or my father, who would mortify me as a preteen, by befriending everyone sitting next to us the movie theater.

Alas I realized recently that I have this friend making behavior now too. When I recently left a store with Chad he turned to me and said, "How do you always do that?"
"What?" I replied.
"Make friends with every single person you meet?"
"What do you mean?"
"Hayden, you were just comparing favorite Thai restaurants with the store clerk who you just met 30 seconds ago"
".... and your saying this is weird"
As we get older I think we can be relieved by some ways we are not like our parents, but the majority of the time it's just not the case.

I still haven't given up on making friends with my neighbors, but since I never see them I might have to focus my befriending other people in my life; The cashier's I regularly see at favorite haunts and office employee's where I regularly go. And I will continue to embarrass others around me with my overt friendliness. I mean there are worse things to be know for right?

Project Peace of Mind

Since my recent medical snafu, I have decided to move some things around in my life.

Anyone who has known me for more then an minute, knows that I am on a relentless pursuit to achieve. Considering that I've been in school for the last 19 years and worked since I was 14 years old... maybe I don't know how to be any other way.

But I can do better at balancing this drive with some self care. Considering that this was the only prescription I left the hospital with, I am trying to incorporate some new things in my life.

My list includes things like:

Hanging out more with friends outside of school
Becoming more involved in my church
Working Out regularly
Find a Yoga Studio
Give myself a day off

Now I know that I won't always be able to do all of these things, but when before they were off the table because I was "too busy", I wasn't very happy. I think that having some peace of mind and happiness won't hurt my motivation with all the work I have to do.

In a way I'm happy I'm learning this lesson now and not when I'm experiencing "caregiver burnout". I'm going to take this little glimpse of what burnout could be and run headlong in the opposite direction.

Just a Small Medical Emergency

I know that I am a busy graduate student but more then a month between posts is a little much... but I have a really good excuse.

I was in the hospital.Ok, no not for the whole time but let me share the horrible ridiculous story.

Back in February, I suffered from a complex migraine where I had an intense aura and had trouble speaking for a couple minutes. Scary. This led to a MRI and many tests, which all led to that I'm fine and it was just a really mad migraine set off by travel, stress, and illness. But it also led to a medication. (I don't take medication because it usually does weird things to me) So Guess what? I reacted with heart palpitations and extreme anxiety. This led to the ER, and another medication which shot my heart rate up to 180... Not good.

All in all I was ok after this joyful medication experiment, but this is not the end of the story.

I had residual problems with my heart rate after this incident, my pulse was set off by everything. Caffeine, Stress (In grad school...never), and activity. This led to more doctors visits and you guessed it, more medication.

The week before finals I was given two new medications to help with my heart rate. I have never been so sick in my life. So after not eating or sleeping for 3 days I was back in the ER at 2am. This put me on the Medication/ER merry go round for the next couple days. Who would have guessed that piling up medication on top of one another would be bad?

Luckily, my friend Kayla came to help me after my 3rd trip to the ER. So when the worst of the reaction hit she could call an ambulance... and my mother.

When I woke up Monday morning I was in the Hospital, still disoriented and confused about the ordeal. Thank goodness my mom made had made it up from Idaho, since we all need some mama love when we are sick. I spent the next two days sleeping and recovering, medication free, since we now know I don't tolerate almost any medications well.

As you might have guessed though, I did miss my finals. Nice to be in grad school though, they kind of want you to do well, so I'm making them up currently.

When I left the hospital, my mother whisked me away to Idaho for a couple days to spend time with 3 of my siblings. Chad, who was also in Idaho for spring break and dying of worry, was then able to bring me up to Spokane and stay for the week with me helping me reassemble to messy life.

I'm doing so much better now! And I wanted to thank everyone for their help, love, and prayers during this time. I hope that this will help answer some questions that people had. I promise I will be better about updating and no more hospital stays.

Valentines Day Makes One Think

I love Valentine's Day. Alone or with someone, I love it!

It all comes down to the fact that I'm a schmuck, a big romantic schmuck. And I'm ok with that. I won't push it on anyone else it's my thing.

So while I sit here eating the Edible Arrangement Chad sent me. (Awesome gift, it's like getting a lovely flower arrangement but it's covered in chocolate!) I begin to muse about my relationship and others.

It has been brought up numerous time in my cohort that we psychologists seem to have a proclivity for the engineers. Out of the eleven of us, two of the girls are married/getting married to engineers and I myself am dating Chad who is getting his graduate degree in Aerospace Engineering. Some of our female professors are even married to engineers. haha it just seems to uncanny to be coincidence.

Ok so being the "digging bulldog" I am (thanks Mary), I wanted to see if there has been any research done on couples' careers that tend to go together. Maybe I've lost my edge but I couldn't find any.

So is our little cohort a fluke, I seem to recall some of my professors at Gonzaga being married to an engineer and a computer programmer. What would explain the trend?

Could is simply be a sort of opposite attract? But successful marriages are shown to be born out of similarities not differences. Chad and I are far more similar then we are different. Maybe our opposites just bring out the best in each other.

I think the best couples are like puzzle pieces, they are part of the same puzzle but they are different. It is those differences though that makes them fit together, unified.

Midterms and Fun!

It's official I made it through Midterms!

These next two weeks are going to be busy and so much fun. I'm working the proposal for my thesis, which is coming along swimmingly. But I also shall be having guests these upcoming weekends.

Next weekend my sister, Addison, and my cousin, Kiersten, who are both Juniors in High School are coming up to visit the colleges in Spokane. My Mother and Aunt will be accompanying them, which means lots of family fun time!

The weekend following that Chad shall be visiting, for a delayed Valentine's weekend! And on that note I am eagerly awaiting tomorrow, hopefully I shall have a valentine's Day surprise.

The Quarter of Projects

It always takes a couple weeks into the quarter/semester to realize what you've gotten yourself into.

This quarter, will be the quarter of projects and decisions much to my chagrin. I am learning how to give cognitive assessments/IQ Tests, which is both fascinating and incredibly time consuming. I am also in a class which I am being pushed to write the first half of my thesis, which is awesome (cause it'll be done) but terrible (cause it is so stressful). I also need to secure my practicum site within the test month. This is where I will be interning as a counselor/therapist for the following year.

To be frank it is just quite a lot for the shortest quarter of the school year. This week in particular is quite is full, but only because I have made it so. As it always is, you must sacrifice one thing for another. This week it is a little bit of my sanity so that I might be free to enjoy my upcoming weekend with Chad. Hopefully my flight to Colorado can be one giant nap reward, because I'll need it after this week.

Look for an update when I have time to breath again. <3